Jailhouse Pop Rock
by RockSunner
Summary: What if Bratsman had caught the girls with Sev'ral Timez? An AU set in the world of "The Life of Domiclese." All characters belong to Disney, not me.
1. Caught

What if Bratsman had caught the girls with Sev'ral Timez? An AU set in the world of "The Life of Domiclese." All characters belong to Disney, not me.

**Jailhouse Pop Rock**

Ergman Bratsman got out of his limousine and pounded on the gift shop door of the Mystery Shack gift shop. Nobody was in the yard to stop him. It was after hours and Soos had gone home to his Abuelita's for the night. The goat Gompers was elsewhere.

He heard a loud, gruff man's voice say, "Get the door, Dipper. Tell them we're closed... unless they're really rich and want to buy at least $100 worth of merchandise."

A young boy with brown hair, wearing a baseball cap with a pine tree on it, opened the door. This must be Dipper.

"We're closed," said Dipper.

"I'm really rich," said Bratsman. "I want to buy at least $100 worth of merchandise."

Dipper sighed, "Come in, then."

Bratsman looked around, particularly at the floor. No sign of frosted tips from his escaped clones here. He pushed through the door marked "Employees Only."

"Hey, you can't go back there!" said Dipper.

Before the old man seated in front of the television could stop him, Bratsman pushed open the door to the back porch entry parlor.

"Get out!" called the man. "You're trespassing."

"So call the police," said Bratsman. "I'm looking for property that was stolen from me."

The man hesitated, and Bratsman took the opportunity to go into the parlor and look up the stairs. Sure enough, there was a trail of frosted tips leading up to the attic.

"Never mind calling the police," said Bratsman. "I'll do it myself." He got out his cell phone and dialed 911. "I want to report a crime. My boys have been kidnapped and I've found out where they are."

* * *

The police arrived, not only Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Derland, but five other officers with them as backup. They found Mabel, Grenda, Candy, and the Sev'ral times clones. The clones were all trying to hide under Mabel's bed.

"Whoo-eee! You've done been caught good this time," said Derland.

"Look who I caught, Sheriff," said Officer Tom Swifty, guardedly. "There's another Mabel Pines hiding in the closet."

"Take 'em all in," said the Sheriff. "Dipper and Stan Pines, too."

Dipper was caught, but Stan was nowhere to be found. The twins and their friends were all taken from the house with their hands cuffed behind their backs. Dipper was white-faced; the girls were in tears.

"I'm the legal guardian of the Sev'ral Timez boys," said Bratsman. "They're kidnap victims; I'm taking them home."

He produced paperwork and the police agreed that the boys could leave in his custody.

"I have a good mind to replace you all," said Bratsman.

"Please don't punish us, Mr. Bratsman," said Chubby Z. "We'll be good."

"We didn't do anything wrong!" said Mabel. "They were locked up. We only wanted to set them free."

"The law may take a different view of that," said Bratsman.

All the kid's parents were called. The kids spent the night shivering in a cold county jail cell.

* * *

In the morning, they were taken before Judge Judith. Their parents were present, including the Pines' parents, who had flow in from Piedmont, California.

Mr. Stanley Pines, Jr. (Mabel and Dipper's father) said to the judge, "I demand my son and daughter be released in my custody. They're minors."

"It doesn't work that way here," said Judge Judith. "We have peculiar laws in Gravity Falls county. Our founder decreed that everyone be tried as an adult, regardless of age, and sent to adult prison if found guilty. Your daughter, her identical accomplice, and her two friends are definitely implicated in the crimes. "

"What about our son, Frederic?" asked Mr. Pines.

"Your son appears to have known nothing about it, but a trial will be required to determine that for certain. He can be released on bail, into your custody. Bail is set at fifty thousand dollars. Bail is denied for your daughter and her accomplices: the risk of flight is too great."

"What are the charges against them?" asked Mrs. Edith Pines.

"The victims are the five famous band members of Sev'ral Timez," said the Judge. "They are mentally impaired and legally minors. They could not understand what they were being asked to do, and so could not give legal consent to being taken from their dressing room. This constitutes first-degree kidnapping."

"First degree?" asked Mr. Lipowitz, Grenda's father, a lawyer. "That requires aggravating circumstances. There were no ransom demands."

"The girls wanted them for immoral purposes," said Judge Judith. "They kissed and fondled them: that's abuse of minors. In addition, they planned to release them into the woods when they were done with them. The young men are completely unprepared to survive in the wilderness. They can't even survive in normal daily life without special care. That is kidnapping with intent to kill, and therefore first degree."

"What kind of sentences could they be facing?" asked Mr. Chiu, Candy's father, a computer programmer.

"Five counts of first-degree kidnapping, served consecutively, would be 100 years, a life sentence," said the Judge. "Luckily for them there was no transportation across state lines, so the Lindbergh law is not involved."

The four girls gasped and sobbed.

"There are additional charges of industrial espionage, with theft of trade secrets. That is based on sealed evidence which Bratsman will present at the trial, to protect his business interests. That could add another fifty years to their sentence, not that it will matter."

"This is monstrous," said Mr. Chiu.

"It's the law," said the Judge. "The young women will be taken to prison to await trial. To avoid the hardship of being mixed with the general prison population they will share an isolated cell, for now. If they are found guilty, they will of course be housed with the rest of the female inmates."

* * *

The girls were driven to the prison and locked into a two-bunk cell, all solid walls with no windows.

"We are in deep, deep trouble," Mabel whispered to the others.

"No kidding," said Lebam. "I didn't have any part in this, and it's probably going to get even worse for me. That industrial espionage thing? It's for cloning me, I bet."

"We didn't clone you," said Candy.

"We didn't even know you existed until last night," said Grenda, glaring at Mabel.

"Bratsman doesn't know that," said Lebam. "He must think I'm a rip-off of his technology. They aren't going to buy the idea that my origin is magical."

"I'm sorry I got you all into this," said Mabel. "I had no idea how bad this could get..."

"I was against it from the start," said Grenda.

"No you were not," said Candy. "'We are masters of stealth', you said."

"You said, 'We want to give you several kisses!'" said Grenda.

Candy said, "I welcome death." She flopped on the floor, just as she had done when they couldn't get concert tickets.

"Don't talk like that," said Lebam, "They'll put you on suicide watch. They'll make sure we have long, unhappy lives here."

"Do you think the boys will be all right?" asked Grenda.

"For now," said Lebam. "They'll have to testify against us."

"I think I hate boys," said Grenda.

"Good thing," said Mabel. "We'll never be with any boys again. For the rest of our lives."

They all held each other and sobbed.


	2. Deals

**Deals**

After a restless night, Mabel, Lebam, Grenda, and Candy were taken back to the courthouse to record their pleas to the charges against them.

A protesting mob was there waving signs. "Mabel's Stable," "Monster Mabel and her Criminal Clone," "Gruesome Grenda," "Candy the Creep," "Die! Die! Die!" and so on.

Pacifica Northwest was there, leading the protesters in a chant of "Monster Mabel! Monster Mabel!"

"This is Shandra Jimenez reporting from the steps of the Gravity Falls County Courthouse, on the 'Mabel's Stable' scandal," said the TV reporter.

She pointed her microphone at the four prisoners, and asked, "How does it feel to be the most hated girls in the world?"

"The most hated girls of all time!" Pacifica shouted.

Mabel pulled her sweater over her head, and so did Lebam.

Grenda was defiant. "Oh yeah! We're in prison and you can't get to us!"

"My big sister's in that prison and I'll get her to pulverize you!" one heckler shouted back.

The mob began to throw rotten tomatoes and other garbage. The guards hustled the prisoners into the courtroom before things got any uglier.

"That's nothing to worry about," said Mabel when they got inside. "The public outrage will blow over in a little while. After all, all we did was try to keep the Sev'ral Timez boys..."

"For ourselves, away from their millions of fans..." added Grenda.

"Provoking jealous rage..." added Candy.

"We're totally doomed," said Lebam.

* * *

Ergman Bratsman was standing in the court lobby.

"Mabel Pines, I have an offer that could make this all go away, but you must speak to me alone."

Her parents had hired a lawyer, Alfred Bates, an earnest-looking young man with dark hair. "As your attorney, I advise against it."

Mabel nodded agreement with her lawyer.

Bratsman took out his cell phone and showed her a video clip of Mr. Sprott, who ran the "Win a Pig" concession at the Mystery Shack Fair.

"Since we can't get to that kidnapping witch, we're going to hunt down her escaped pig, Old 15-Poundie, and barbeque it. That will make her suffer."

"Nooo! Waddles!" Mabel cried.

"So will you meet with me?" asked Bratsman.

"Of course. I've got to," said Mabel.

* * *

"Here's the deal. I don't know how you did it, but that clone you made of yourself is the most advanced I've ever seen," said Bratsman. "I'm thinking we could create a new line of entertainers from her."

"I didn't clone Lebam," said Mabel.

"I didn't say you did it all by yourself," said Bratsman. "Whoever did it is a brilliant geneticist. If you sign over the rights to the clone for us to study..."

"I won't," Mabel interrupted.

"Just listen: we'll call the whole kidnapping mess a publicity stunt. Your little fan club had our permission to receive a visit from Sev'ral Timez, all to promote their new single, 'You're Cray-Cray to Take Us Away-way'."

"You're the one who's cray-cray. I'm not going to sign away Lebam to you, no matter what," said Mabel.

"Bravo, Mabel," said a Southern-accented voice from across the room. "You can't sign away what's not yours. Lebam belongs to me."

"Gideon!" said Mabel.

"A kid! How did you get in here?" asked Bratsman.

"People have a hard time sayin' no to li'l ol' me," said Gideon. "Even without mah amulet."

He stared at Bratsman and the man went into a trance.

"Here's mah deal, peach dumplin'," said Gideon. "I'll make Bratsman do what he said, declare it all a publicity stunt, if you'll be mah queen."

"What about Lebam?" asked Mabel.

"I'll keep her, and teach her a lesson she'll never forget, for defying mah will," said Gideon.

"Lebam stays with me, and you don't touch her, or no deal," said Mabel.

"I take it there is a deal, then? Your hand in marriage for the freedom of yourself, your friends, and Lebam?"

"It's a offer I can't refuse," said Mabel. "Deal."


	3. Timeline

**Timeline**

Gideon made Ergman Bratsman go out in front of the news reporters and the mob and tell them it had all been a publicity stunt. The crowd was still angry, and they took out their anger by throwing rotten vegetables at him.

"How could you pull a stunt like that on our favorite boy band?" one of the fans yelled at him.

The police arrested Bratsman for filing a false report of a crime, and took him away. Gideon came out with Mabel.

"Ah have an announcement to make," said Gideon. "Mabel Pines has agreed to be my bride. Isn't that right, honey-bunch?"

"That's right," said Mabel in a choked voice. "I'm going to marry Gideon."

The protesters (many of whom had wanted to keep on hating Mabel out of jealousy) were satisfied that Mabel was no longer in the competition. Besides that, Gideon's popularity balanced Mabel's unpopularity. The mob lowered their signs and walked away. A few remained to shout slogans against Candy and Grenda, but they soon tired of this and walked away, too.

Mabel, Grenda, Candy, and Lebam were released, free of all charges. Only Mabel was on the hook for a dismal fate as the wife of Gideon.

* * *

Soos (who was currently possessed by the mind of the evil Wax Larry King because of an Electron Carpet exchange with the rat who had eaten Larry's ear) was not happy with this outcome. Jail time for Mabel wasn't a real problem (they could always break her out for the ceremony), but Bill Cipher's Ring needed a set of couples, and the planned pairings did not include Mabel and Gideon.

He needed to do something about this, and he had the means due to the time machine that Larry had discovered on Soos' tool belt. He snapped back in time to before the girls were caught.

Soos would normally be at his Abuelita's house, since it was after business hours, but now he was there with a watering can, justifying his presence by watering a wildflower near the Mystery Shack. Bratsman stepped on it.

"I can't believe those boys escaped from their cage," said Bratsman. "You there! I found this trail of frosted tips leading to this _very location_. Have you seen any perfect boys around here?"

"Only when I look in the mirror. Ha ha, up top!" said Soos.

Bratsman declined to give him a high-five, so Soos did it for himself with his other hand.

"They must be around here somewhere! I'll find those boys if I have to turn this town upside down!" said Bratsman.

Soos watched him go. He had only delayed the arrest, unless he did something more. The "BIG MONEY" license plate, with its sticker showing a paid-up registration to 2013, gave him an idea.

He snapped back in time a few minutes, and found the last time when Bratsman and his driver had stopped the limo and were looking for frosted tips by the side of the road with flashlights. He sneaked up and removed the top registration sticker. Now the plate had the number 2012 instead, an expired registration when the month was taken into account.

Replaying the scene, Soos realized the change was too subtle and it would not get Bratsman in enough trouble. The police would just look up the registration and the car would be found to be paid up.

After Bratsman left again, the control program in Larry/Soos sent a message to the control program in Gompers over the reverse time channel. The goat came and joined him, in time to chew off the rear license plate (now with the year 2012 on it instead of 2013). Soos could call the police anonymous tip line and get Bratsman arrested for driving without a rear license plate.

That should keep Mabel and her hidden boy-band slaves safe for a while, long enough for the completion of the ceremony, at least.

"Good boy," Soos told Gompers.

* * *

Bratsman grumbled to his driver, "I'm not satisfied with the answers of that idiot gardener. Turn around; we'll go back and search the house."

But as they cruised down the road, a police car came up behind them and turned on its flashing lights. The news van of Shandra Jimenez was following the police. They were about to get a news scoop because of an anonymous tip.

"Officers, I'm happy to see you," said Bratsman. "I want you to follow me and question the people at a suspicious house."

"Not interested in that," said Sheriff Blubs. "You're under arrest for driving without a rear license plate."

"Huh? That's nothing," said Bratsman. "A goat chewed it off."

"You have to have a rear license plate in this county," said Blubs. "Deputy, get out your nightstick!"

"Oh boy, oh boy, I love usin' my nightstick," said Deputy Durland.

"I know you do," said the Sheriff. "So do I."

They cuffed Bratsman's hands behind his back, pushed him face-down onto the hood of the police car, and prepared to use their nightsticks on him. Shandra's cameraman captured the action for the next evening's news report.

"I'm telling ya, the goat took it!" said Bratsman.

Sheriff Blubs said, "That's what they all say."

* * *

At court, Bratsman tried to tell Judge Judith about his suspicions that the kidnapped Sev'ral Timez boys were in the Mystery Shack.

"It seems to me you are making up accusations to divert attention from your own license-plate crime," said the Judge. "That will earn you a week in prison."

By the time Bratsman got out and went back to the Mystery Shack, the band boys had been released to the wild (and Lebam had gone with them to help them survive). There was no evidence left to get Mabel, Grenda, and Candy into trouble.

* * *

Author's note: This story was not actually an AU. It really happened as part of "The Life of Domiclese," but the timeline was erased by Soos using time travel.

THE END


End file.
